My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we
were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this ti me, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
******************************************
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,
grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up
the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a
torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back
into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid
husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how t he fight started...
******************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the
road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how
sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem
funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
*****************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to
150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
******************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her
someplace expensive...so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
******************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry,
but I woul d have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
and she processed my Social Security application
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have
gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her
drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear
she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took
my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He 20 said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
******************************************
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is
not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
Friday, 27 February 2009
Sick Day Guidelines
I've been asked to post this. Hope you find it useful.
The National Association of School Nurses (NASN) and Triaminic have partnered to create “Sick Day Guidelines: Making the Right Call When Your Child Has a Cold.” The Guidelines are a resource for parents to use when deciding to keep their kids at home or send them off to school. The Sick Day guidelines are here: http://www.triaminic.com/moms-just-know/sick-day-guidelines.shtml.
The National Association of School Nurses (NASN) and Triaminic have partnered to create “Sick Day Guidelines: Making the Right Call When Your Child Has a Cold.” The Guidelines are a resource for parents to use when deciding to keep their kids at home or send them off to school. The Sick Day guidelines are here: http://www.triaminic.com/moms-just-know/sick-day-guidelines.shtml.
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
Joke: WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People--
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Send this to the women
who can handle it
and to the men
who will enjoy reading it
WHO'S YER DADDY?
Men Are Just Happier People--
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Send this to the women
who can handle it
and to the men
who will enjoy reading it
WHO'S YER DADDY?
Wednesday, 17 December 2008
Sunday, 1 June 2008
Balancing Out Career and Housework for Women
Read this and weep guys.
My wife is a bloody legend.
Since getting out thermomix, we've been eating more at home and increasing our intake of really healthy organic (and fresh) foods.
Get this - milling our own organic flour for beautiful artisinal bread. Churning our own fresh butter. Cheese biscuits. Vegetable soups. Last night was savoury chick pea bread after organic buck wheat udon soup. This afternoon is freshly made pizza dough. As I fart around on this blog, she's in front of me kneading that beautiful elastic pale pizza dough. Can you smell that musky yeast? Wait till you smell it when it comes out of that oven!
Not only has the cooking been good. The kids are in on it too! Because the cooking is infinitely more efficient being in one piece of equipment, the kids can take turns with each of the steps during the prep work. Hahahahahaha. It's great for them.
Have a good long weekend kids!
Jojo, balance between housewife and career woman
The Jobs and Moms Career Center Home Page
My wife is a bloody legend.
Since getting out thermomix, we've been eating more at home and increasing our intake of really healthy organic (and fresh) foods.
Get this - milling our own organic flour for beautiful artisinal bread. Churning our own fresh butter. Cheese biscuits. Vegetable soups. Last night was savoury chick pea bread after organic buck wheat udon soup. This afternoon is freshly made pizza dough. As I fart around on this blog, she's in front of me kneading that beautiful elastic pale pizza dough. Can you smell that musky yeast? Wait till you smell it when it comes out of that oven!
Not only has the cooking been good. The kids are in on it too! Because the cooking is infinitely more efficient being in one piece of equipment, the kids can take turns with each of the steps during the prep work. Hahahahahaha. It's great for them.
Have a good long weekend kids!
Jojo, balance between housewife and career woman
The Jobs and Moms Career Center Home Page
Archery - A Joint Sporting Endeavour for Parents and Children
My son Wills and I were out in the backyard two or so weeks ago with a toy bow I dug out from amongst other junk in his activity room. Of course I couldn't find the foam arrows that came with it. So in 'survival' mode, I hacked away at a green stem off the traveller's palm tree to fashion on. It fired well once or twice, but the short of it is that when I whipped out my phone to video William shooting, the entire thing exploded and broke in his arms. No, there was no fatalaties.
THe upside was that the next time William spoke to his Kong Kong and Ma ma on the phone, he dropped a really big hint that he did archery and his bow broke when he tried to fire it. WIth Kong Kong and Mama owning and running an archery import/export supply shop, it was easy to arrange for some proper equipment for him.
I've been secretly looking out for some joint activity which William and I can practice together, so was really happy for him to show some interest which at least I can nurture through my own experiences. This is as juxtaposed with my struggles helping him with the violin!
Anyway, the last few days I've been getting William to practice pulling the string to get his muscles used to the draw weight. Also took the time to explain safety rules.
Today, both of us did the father and son thing and went to the Archery ground. Sadly, with the long weekend, no one was there. So I swung back around to the home to pick up a target, and headed off to a certain park with conditions just right for safely firing off a few rounds.
It was good talking to William about archery and slipping in lessons of life folks. Two big lessons - one is that when you aim at the target, you look at the target and float the sighting mechanism over it -- meaning you don't look at the site and have a blurred target. Next lesson is that you have to have a stable head and body posture -- any movement sends the arrow off.
William was amazing. He fired off only three shots at close range, all of which hit the yellow centre for 9, 9, and 10 points. A fantastic start and not overly tiring for him.
We'll see how long the fun can last.
More Ammunition for Archers
T-Arch-Child-Art
THe upside was that the next time William spoke to his Kong Kong and Ma ma on the phone, he dropped a really big hint that he did archery and his bow broke when he tried to fire it. WIth Kong Kong and Mama owning and running an archery import/export supply shop, it was easy to arrange for some proper equipment for him.
I've been secretly looking out for some joint activity which William and I can practice together, so was really happy for him to show some interest which at least I can nurture through my own experiences. This is as juxtaposed with my struggles helping him with the violin!
Anyway, the last few days I've been getting William to practice pulling the string to get his muscles used to the draw weight. Also took the time to explain safety rules.
Today, both of us did the father and son thing and went to the Archery ground. Sadly, with the long weekend, no one was there. So I swung back around to the home to pick up a target, and headed off to a certain park with conditions just right for safely firing off a few rounds.
It was good talking to William about archery and slipping in lessons of life folks. Two big lessons - one is that when you aim at the target, you look at the target and float the sighting mechanism over it -- meaning you don't look at the site and have a blurred target. Next lesson is that you have to have a stable head and body posture -- any movement sends the arrow off.
William was amazing. He fired off only three shots at close range, all of which hit the yellow centre for 9, 9, and 10 points. A fantastic start and not overly tiring for him.
We'll see how long the fun can last.
More Ammunition for Archers
T-Arch-Child-Art
Wednesday, 28 May 2008
One Pot Wonder!
Time to soup up your kitchen, kids!
My wife recently made a fantastic purchase (the thermomix you see above)- off the recommendation of friends and her sister. The product was originally designed in the 70s (if I remember what the demo consultant correctly said) for preparing baby food. It's undergone a few changes since (31 to be exact). The current thermomix can blend liquids and mill grains. It can weigh, chop, knead, mix, and stir continuously or according to timer. The best is that it can cook the food and steam at the same time.
I don't like to depend on equipment when I cook, but we're increasingly reliant on this equipment - it is so convenient, and with the integrative functions, it allows you to do most of your food prep in the one bowl! It saves cooking and washing time. You can set and forget it. The only problem I've noticed is if I have to adapt a recipe and set the wrong blending speed - making the texture a little baby-food-ish. But if you use the thermomix recipe, food comes out pretty much perfect all the time!
Colin
Monday, 26 May 2008
Frazzled Pick Ups x3
I don't know if dealing with this one account has distracted me so much this morning. I picked up both B-girl at 1:30pm and son at 3pm with good time BUT forgot to pick up my cousin-in-law's little girl! We were all at the library when the school called my cousin, and her mom, and when I got the call from Po-po Kit Kat (my aunt-in-law) my heart absolutely sank to my foot. Then got tachycardia, cold sweats, started to stammer, heart in the mouth, etc. I got the kids into the car and tried to race back in bad traffic. Fortunately it all ended well - picked up little J ONLY 45 min late, making only three teachers stay back to babysit her. :-( Maybe I should customise my alarms in future.
My other life ... coaching martial art students.
I've just finished an article for the Australasian Taekwondo magazine, featuring my martial art school, the style of martial art I study, and my students. I thought to post one of the pictures we took in our practice here - showing something from my martial arts similar to my parenting style. Notice how I'm pushing Adina closer to Jacob - who's trying his best to punch her in the nose. Adina is doing a drill to prevent her from getting her nose bloodied -- and is benefiting from the added training pressure (but she doesn't realise or appreciate it of course ... as yet).
This next one is a handlock, takedown, and immobilization technique - and teaches control and moderation in the use of lethal techniques. It also applies quite a bit of pain and psychological stress ... in a safe-ish environment. :-)
You can read more off my martial arts blog which has a slideshow of more photos from the photo session.
This next one is a handlock, takedown, and immobilization technique - and teaches control and moderation in the use of lethal techniques. It also applies quite a bit of pain and psychological stress ... in a safe-ish environment. :-)
You can read more off my martial arts blog which has a slideshow of more photos from the photo session.
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